Friday, May 1, 2009

Two Girls Walk Into a Porn Store


Tabbie and I had a little dinner last night and then decided to do a little browsing and shopping at the local adult store.

Now, I compare all adult stores to mac daddy of them all, The Pleasure Chest (http://www.thepleasurechest.com/). This store has everything you could ever need (and some unbelieveable items no one should ever need). They also offer some amazing classes. This month, for example, they have Back Door Betty: everything you ever wanted to know about Anal Sex and a Hands on Body Harness Workshop.

The store we visited last night was nothing like the Pleasure Chest. For one, they had video booths in the back that smelled like a circus had come to town. I'm not talking about the standard cum and disinfectant bouquet that normally accompanies these sorts of places. These smelled like a filthy truck stop bathroom - a nasty old pee aroma. The signs that normally decorate the booths about going in solo were there, but even bigger signs read: NO PISSING!!

Who does that? Isn't everyone there to jack off to porn? Can you really not break away for a second to run to the bathroom?

The product selection was pretty weak and the guy behind the counter really knew jack about the products he was selling. For fun, I did make him do a vibrator comparison test with me.
We spent a few minutes chatting him up before leaving, asking about the 14 page banned customer list hanging behind him, his opinion of the local strip joints and detailed questions regarding those wonderful booths.

And here's the kicker.

While conversing with the guy, he repeatedly told Tabbie and I that we were weird and strange. This was coming from the porn store dude - a dude with the weirdest and strangest job ever! A guy who has to see the sickest, most bizarre behavior known to man. I knew we were a litte freaky, but wow, that's quite a label he handed out to us. And he hadn't even heard any of our truly outrageous stories.

I think I'll take it as a compliment.

19 comments:

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I've decided to believe that men pee back there in those booths to mark their territory.
Here's why:
Someone once peed in a stall. The stench stayed.
The next man to enter the stall was getting really into sex sex sex and his reptillian brain took over control.
In that state, he knew he had to pee to mark his territory.
This began an unending cycle of peeing in the porn stalls.
Which is just gross.

CarmenSinCity said...

wow - he told you guys that you were weird and strange? THAT is insane! And gros - piss? Really? That's so gross!

kittenpower said...

You are weird to him. Because you're different than him. And stupid people (i'm going out on a limb here, that's he's stupid) think that if you are not like them or their friends or their family, then you are the weird one.
And this probably explains why he works in a piss filled porn shop---he thinks it's normal.

Ginormous Boobs said...

AB: That actually does make sense. Though I prefer marking my territory with bite marks and scratches.

Carmen: Yeah, I'm not really into smelling stale urine while trying to watch my porn. Call me crazy.

Kitten: I think the difference is that we actually have sex and he only gets to be a voyeur. But we are weird. He just didn't KNOW that :)

pistols at dawn said...

I bet he calls everyone weird and strange who comes in there because he's so sad to watch couples and ladies purchase things he'll never get to use with them, then take off.

doorknob_dan said...

My theory is that he said you were strange because he was trying to get into your pants somehow.

Look, I don't have all the answers as to why that would ever make sense, but that's all I can think of.

I've been known myself to say some weird things to impress the fairer sex. Such as: "You smell like cardboard", or "Quicksand is evil", or "Hey baby, why don't we go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?" [as I pee myself]

Ginormous Boobs said...

POD: He didn't just call us weird, he called us SICK as well. I don't think my purchases have ever reached the sick level...except for that one time on Tabbie's bday...

Ginormous Boobs said...

DD: Ahhhh, so you pee yourself...perhaps it is men like you who are stinking up my porn store booths. As long as it's an accident, I can forgive.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

ha..ha.ha... !! I can only WISH that I live near a porn shop. Sadly.. I must do all my purchases online and the box NEVER comes with that stale cum/disinfectant smell. I've asked .. hell I've even offered to pay extra for that special kind of delivery. But.. they never listen to me...sigh....

Oh well.. I'll just live vicariously through you guys and keep looking for my plain brown wrapped box of goodies. :)

Hi ginormous..btw.. had to check you out. Any buddy of Tabbie has to be awesome. :)

doorknob_dan said...

Nah, I only pee myself around women.

I *am* half German in ancestry you know. So the peeing part of a golden shower is present in that respect, but my other non-German half goes and messes it up by never knowing the right time to do it.

Regardless, 'Depends' is not only my wavering response to a young lady who invites me up to her place for a nightcap, it's also the brand of the undergarment I'm probably wearing at that particular moment.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Pink: Glad to meet you! Tabbie and I visit these establishments quite frequently. You let us know what you want and we'll make sure it arrives with that oh so special aroma. And if you ever visit LA, we're taking you to the Pleasure Chest...which is right across from the Tom Kat porn theatre. And that, my friend, is a super duper treat.

Ginormous Boobs said...

DD: All I have to say is at least Depends allows for easy access. One rip and those things are off! Of course, I'd have to standing over a plastic bag first.

doorknob_dan said...

Depends:
"For When You Just GOTTA Get Your Freak On *OR* When You Just GOTTA Get Your Shart On"

Ginormous Boobs said...

DD: I'm using that as my new myspace headline.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

Holy Crap... my blog buddy MisstressM and her friend go to The Pleasure Chest all the time too.. hmmm.. methinks ya'll must live close to one another. :)

I'm gonna be heading that direction this summer, we should all hook up and have a drink (or 5 or 10..) w00t!

Ginormous Boobs said...

Pink: Ok, so bowling, drinks AND a visit to the Pleasure Chest are in order. Now I must check out this Mistress M.

Yankee Girl said...

This store sounds amazing!

I found you doing a random search and wanted to say I think we might be kindred. I wear a G-cup.

I look forward to reading more.

catherinette said...

What the heck kinds of questions were you asking that he was calling you strange??

Mike said...

Pretty funny. Hey when did you start blogging again and why hasn't my reader picked it up?