Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Meet the Parents - My Mom the Unwitting Perv


I'm a little sassy if you haven't noticed.

So it surprises people out here in Cali when they meet my parents, Mary Lou and Joe. They've been married for over 35 years and are the most upstanding people you'd ever meet. They've never done drugs, pay all their bills on time and a wild night out consists of a wine cooler with dinner.


My father, a retired Fire Chief, works a couple of part time jobs just to keep busy. My mother, voted most organized of her senior class, still makes his lunch sandwiches the night before.


This works well, but only if my sister and I aren't visiting. We've ransacked the fridge a time or two after a late night out. My parents would wake up to smears of ketchup on the shelf and little else.


My sister would always claim we didn't know it was Dad's WORK sandwich, so my mother got a little crafty. She started labeling Dad's food with post-it notes so we couldn't feign ignorance. This seemed to do the trick for a while.


So one day, Mom was grocery shopping and had just gotten her hair cut. She noticed people checking her out and smiling and thought they were appreciating her new hairdo. She was practically dancing a jig behind the cart and feeling on top of the world.


Until a man stopped her. He wasn't just smiling, he was laughing at her. In fact he couldn't even speak he was laughing so hard.


Instead he just pointed.


To her left boob.


And there, upon Mom's breast, was one of the sticky notes from the fridge. And it read:


Don't touch - Joe's lunch!!!









50 comments:

doorknob_dan said...

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

That's the funniest parent story I've ever heard! HAHAHAHA

Amadeo said...

That's beautiful. Ahhh parents, what can you do with them.

B.E. Earl said...

Hiya!

Great story! I'm pretty sure I've gone shopping the same way, but you know...without the boobs.

Ginormous Boobs said...

DD: Oh man, this is just the beginning...there will be more.

Amadeo: You can't do anything...until they get senile and you can put them in a home.

I jest, my parents are GREAT!

B.E: So if you didn't have the boobs, where was the sticky note about Joe's lunch?

Jay said...

Don't you wish somebody had been there with a cellphone camera and gotten a picture or some video of that? LOL

That was a great story. Very funny.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

ha..ha.ha.. "Eat at Joe's Diner" ha..ha..ha.. :)

SkylersDad said...

That is a damn fine story GB!!

NWO said...

Once again, you got me laughing. Great story!

Ginormous Boobs said...

Jay: If only we had one at the time. I do carry a camera around with me all now. And I've caught some pretty memorable moments on tape.

Pink: You nasty!

SD & NWO: Why thank you! My parents are a treasure trove of material.

Matt-Man said...

Ha...Good One. My mom used to the same thing with lunches. Maybe it's an Ohio thing. Cheers!!

Clearlykels said...

That was the funniest story EVER!

Slyde said...

Hiya! Super site!

and a fantastic story! That was priceless...

Ginormous Boobs said...

MM: Maybe us Ohio kids just eat anything that isn't nailed down.

Clearly and Slyde: Welcome to the blog! Glad I could throw some entertainment your way.

carymc said...

I love that story.

The world needs more Mary Lous and Joes. And more stories about them from you. I can't wait.

Thanks for the blogroll add.

jo said...

hahaha! that is just too funny!! priceless!

pistols at dawn said...

Well done, Mr. and Mrs. GB.

Ginormous Boobs said...

carymc: Your lists rock!!

jo: I agree.

Slyde said...

your blog is a very fun read. Note to self to add you to my blogroll sometime this week....

Ginormous Boobs said...

Slyde: That's so funny. I just added you to my roll about 10 seconds ago.

Slyde said...

wow! great minds, and all that.

thanks!

Mike said...

LMAO that was good.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

Your parents are fab. Also, your mom totally said the ef word while you weren't listening that one time @ the museum. I heard it and stand by my ears- no matter how many times she denies it.

Mr. Poopie said...

For my 18th birthday my parents got me a really awesome shirt with this graffiti spraypainted on the front. I thought I was looking cool when I wore it to the mall, but people kept looking at me and laughing. I realized later that the back read, "I have crabs".

Ginormous Boobs said...

Mike: Welcome to the blog! Glad you enjoyed my first parental tale.

AB: You are such a liar. We proved it to you last year that you heard wrong. Mary Lou doesn't ever drop the eff bomb. Now if you'd claimed she said "Son of a B" I'd totally buy that.

Poopie: I totally want to meet your parents! That's a pretty awesome prank to play on you.

Bla said...

I LOLed :D

The Guv'ner said...

Hahaha! Dude! I would wear a post it in the same place. Mine would say "NOT YOURS". :)

Mathdude said...

I think I would have gone with,"hi, I'm Joe. I'm ready for my lunch."

Ginormous Boobs said...

Bla: Welcome to my blog! I was LMAO when Mom told me the story.

GUV: Mine would be "Milk, it does a body good"

Math: My mother would have DIED if that man said that to her.

Anonymous said...

MaryLou would die if she saw that blog. "holy fucking shit D"

Ginormous Boobs said...

Anonymous (aka VC Boutique Mourner): Yeah, she totally would. Then she'd ground me.

captain corky said...

That's awesome that she still makes his lunch. I'd settle for a drink once a week. ;)

Ginormous Boobs said...

CC: My mom is super mom and wife! Hopefully she'll have passed on some of her "taking care of her man" traits to me for when I get married.

Slyde said...

p.s. i have finally gotten off my lazy ass and added you to my blogroll :)

tracey said...

That was hilarious. My grandma & my mother made my grandpa & dads lunches every night just like your Mom. The note stuck to the boob - that'd be the part of the story that sounds like me.

Dee said...

OH I LOVE IT. Good for them!

Ginormous Boobs said...

Tracey: Welcome! And seriously, like you, I am usually the one walking around with something hanging out or stuck on me.

Dee: If only they were cool enough to have done this on purpose!

CarmenSinCity said...

Oh my god!! Your poor mom! I bet she was dying!!!!!!! That's so funny :)

coolmomma said...

You are my new idol! I just love your stories. Please tell me you use this talent in your full time job.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Carmen: My mom is still dying.

Cool: That is seriously the nicest compliment I've ever received. I am actually producing a TV pilot for Sony, so hopefully I'll get to add my 2 cents in there somewhere.

noreen said...

I found your blog via Cary at List of the Day and I love it! My Mom was a supermom and superwife, too. I don't know how she got so much done! And your Mom sounds cut of the same cloth. She probabably is so proud of you for being a supergal, too. Even if she might be mortified about post-its on her boobs and the retelling of that story.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Noreen: Glad to have you here! My mom is totally supermom and I don't know how I could ever be as top notch as her. And she'd keel over if she read this blog - probably more so over the other stories than this one.

Wonder Woman said...

Awwww your momma sounds absolutely beautiful with a side of quirky! Just like a mom should be!

Out,
WW :)

Real Live Lesbian said...

Hilarious!

g-man said...

Very funny. Reminds me of the family reunion where my grandma insisted on name tags. I was chatting with my aunt and she said "I swear if someone asks me again what the name of the other one is I'm going to scream." That was when I noticed her name tag riding low on her shirt so that it was on her boob.

I made her another name tag "Lefty" :)

the princess said...

that is hilarious! so nice to hear that your parents have been together all that time. lovely really.

Ginormous Boobs said...

WW: She is. I have really fun, awesome parents.

RLL: Welcome! Love your blog name!

GMan: That sounds like something I'd do.

Princess: I'm lucky. Very lucky. And I have a lot to aspire to.

blackdog said...

This is indeed the best parent story ever! Is there a blog award for such a thing? I guess it would inspire frauds, but I totally believe you on this one....

Ginormous Boobs said...

Blackdog: Nope no blogger parent stories award that I know of...but thanks for the praises.

katherine. said...

love that story...your 'rents sound very cool.

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

Oh my god, that's too funny !