Two Girls Walk Into a Porn Store

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Creepy Guy Strikes Again Pt. 2

I had to screw with him again, I just had to. For the benefit of Tabbie (http://theambiguousblob.blogspot.com/) and other friends of mine who may read this, I decided to pepper the conversation with a few inside jokes as well:

CG: hi sweetie

GB: so i had a hard time sleeping last night thinking about your car fantasy. imagining i was there
CG: mmmm - i knew you would
GB: are you open to other places as well
CG: all sorts of places
GB: like what? me, i love doing it at the movies and in pastures and seeing if i can pull it off some place public, like walmart
CG: i like doing things secretly in public places. one time, in the train station. i was up on a balcony, looking down on the security guard. the guard had no idea what was going on. a girl was making me very pleased
GB: that's hot like the fire in my crotch
CG: was i in your fantasy last night? and what was going on
GB: of course you were in my fantasy
CG: that is VERY intriguing
GB: i'd like to be out in public with you. it gets me hot and bothered. my roommate is such a bore, really.
CG: she is, isnt she. i'd love you to describe more of what you imagined last nite
GB: just that instead of my prudish roomie, i was the one in the car. i have a 99 ford escort, btw. it's got a dent in the front bumper, but has low mileage. i want you to have a clear pic for this fantasy. anyway, i was rubbing my tits all over you from your head to your toes
CG: go on baby, go on
GB: and then i'd take a leftover packet of marmalade from our lunch date and smear it on my nipples and have you lick it off
CG: yes. you're turning me on. go on. i'm so there
GB: then i would take off my clothes and lean back the seats and get my tits really lubed up with more marmelade and have you fuck them. my nipples clamps would be jingle jangling all the way CG: tell me about my cock now
GB: i'd be surprised because your cock would be so huge, so big it should be part of the trail of 100 giants (the sequoias). giant number 103
CG: and then? i love this. there is a surreal feeling to this fantasy
GB: and then i would touch myself while i had to rub your cock all over me
CG: i like a fantasy that turns into a plan.
GB: me too. tell me more about ur fantsasy
CG: it's very similar. but also involved hair pulling and steering your face where i want it. lubricating your tits with your tongue and saliva instead of sticky marmalade while i fuck them
GB: GRRRRR that is hot. i like a guy who tells me what to do. i feel like running around like a blind bear
CG: you're my kind of girl. we start to touch each other in the restaurant and are sitting close enough that your hand is on my crotch under the table
GB: exactly where it should be...what do i find?
CG: a hard rod in my pants that responds to your touch. seeing if we can sneak into the restroom when no one is looking, and making you get on your knees and pull that hard rod out of my pants just for a taste. have to save myself for your tits
GB: i would love to just climb under the table like i had to fetch a roll i dropped. take a quick bite and lube you up with the butter
CG: i can barely get my jeans on, i'm hard and sticky right now. let me know if you want to meet for lunch one day very soon

Creepy Guy Strikes Again - Pt 1

So my dear roomie went on a horrendous date with a boy many moons ago.


I listed him in the blog I wrote regarding weirdos you meet when you online date. Said guy decided to IM me via the dating site. I pretended I knew nothing about his date with Tabbie and this is how the conversation went. Please read my responses with the sarcasm I intended:

Creepy Guy: so how are you doing? you know, I went on a date with your roommate with the big boobs. She kept rubbing her tits on me
Ginormous Boobs: and then....like where did she rub them
CG: against my body and crotch. and then she got shy.
GB: were you guys naked?
CG: no, that would have been hot
GB: haha
CG: is she bigger than you , miss ginormous?
GB: nope, i am bigger than her
CG: are you shy like her?
GB: thats a loaded question
CG: i mean, as i described, she is pretty big
GB: i know ive seen them
CG: then your photos don't tell the whole story
GB: why is that...i told you my boobs were bigger. do they look smaller than hers?
CG: you did. just does not seem ginormous in photos. i think she likes to get them fucked, but.... shy
GB: wow i wouldnt take her for shy. were you trying to fuck her tits in broad daylight? after a lunch date
CG: so what if i did?
GB: maybe she was just shy out in the daylight. maybe you have to get her alone in the dark
CG: boring. i like to see what's happening. i prefer a girl who's not shy about light
GB: what else do you like besides a non prude girl
CG: a girl who enjoys pleasuring me with her breasts in random places in the middle of the day would be a lot..... that alone seems hard enough to find
GB: i cant believe thats hard to find. it's soooo not a big deal...and kind of fun
CG: feel free to change my mind, but i have not found the girl yet that's not shy about going there
GB: really...you must be looking at the wrong kid of girls. i seriously dont know too many that wouldnt like a good car tittie bang at noon
CG: you must be kidding me. introduce me to said women

The Big Cheese

UPDATED:
Ok guys, here's the recipe:

Rustic herb bread
Herb and garlic cheese spread
Extra sharp cheddar
Mozzarella
Grilled up in garlic infused canola oil


(the award winning sammich)

(Tabbie and I being interviewed for a documentary while cooking up the goods)

For those of you who don't know, Tabbie and I (along with Bob Dobalina as one of our runners)competed in the 1st 6th Annual National Grilled Cheese Invitational a couple weeks ago. There were over 100 competitors in 4 categories and we placed 3rd in our division. There were 50+ professional chefs (from restaurants like The Foundry, Clementine, etc.) competing with us, so we're pretty proud of ourselves .

It was a seriously awesome event and we had a ball grilling up sammiches. AND we now have a rockin trophy gracing our kitchen counter.

Can't wait for next year!!

Martinis and Grilled Cheese, Oh My

I have been a total blogging slacker this week. I've been kind of preoccupied**, so I do apologize for not having had the chance to read a lot of your blogs, add you to my roll, etc.

Tabbie and I are hosting a Grilled Cheese and Martini shingdig this evening at the beach house. Partly because we want to try out recipes for the Grilled Cheese Invitational we are competing in next week and partly because, hey, who doesn't love a martini.

We will have about 6 bloggers here as part of the festivities. If any more of you are local folks, feel free to drop me a line and I'll send you an invite.

I am gathering up cell numbers as well and will be adding them to the drunk dial list. Don't be left out! Send yours too!

ALSO - I do believe I will be setting up a webcam in one of the rooms. If you have one as well, I'd love to see your smiling face. But please, not until I've had a few drinks...come on...I want to remember you fondly.

This is all probably a very very bad idea.

**Buying and selling your friends as pets on Facebook has eaten up nearly 18 hours of each day

GB Gets a Little Serious

No sexy time posts . No weird dating stories. No boob shots. The GB side of me is kind of on the back burner for today (though I guess I did manage to post a shot of 3 ladies in bed).

Out here in California, there are 4 of us girlfriends who are tighter than tight. This group includes me and my dear roommates, The Spaz and Tabbie. The fourth member is our wonderful friend, Leslie.

Today, Leslie is having an alien (aka tumor) removed from her abdomen (we've named it Gwyneth). And you thought my boobs were ginormous? Well, Gwyneth is the size of a CANTELOPE!!!

We found out a few weeks ago about the cancer and have been on pins and needles ever since. We are trying to stay positive, but today is very very scary.

The doctors aren't really sure what they are going to find when they go in there.

So please send some positive thoughts out to Leslie. And if you feel like leaving a drunk dial for me or sending a wacky email or picture, today would be the day to do it. Mama needs distractions and some big hearty laughs.

Drunk Dials and Prank Calls

I was inspired by Doorknob Dan to add a CALL ME feature to my blog.



This lets you call Ginormous Boobs for free! Pretty cool, right?

I truly love drunk dials and saucy messages. I encourage everyone to pick up their phone and give me a ring a ding ding (you can do so and still keep your number private). And I promise to call anyone back who leaves a number.

Maybe I'll make it a point to return calls from the bathtub after a fabulous Tabbie martini.

Yes, They Are Mine

Tabbie and I like to go bowling. We often frequent a bowl-a-oke night (bowling and karaoke all mixed into one). However, we add a little incentive to the mix.

Each game, the loser has to send the winner a dirty cell phone photo. It doesn't have to be nekkid, but it's got to be a bit racy. Anyone who bowls with us is invited to partake in the process. The only exception is if we have two family members competing - they get the option of paying another team member $5 to send a photo in their place if they lose to someone they are related to.

We also have one rule. The picture you get as a winner cannot be posted or sent anywhere. We did have one incident a year ago when the loser (a boy) sent the winner (a girl) a picture of his lovely hairy balls. Said girl then used that picture as her myspace photo for a week. It was hilarious, but her punishment was stern.

I took my banner photo for saucy reasons and had planned to use it at a bowling event I went to a few weeks ago in case I lost. Tabbie, convinced that she was too gimpy to participate in the cell phone fun, scrapped our contest for the night. And so this poor little picture never made it to the winner (I bowled bad, very very bad).

***If anyone is ever in Cali and feels the need to get their bowl on, give me a ring. I also take pinball bets as well.

Oh Baby, Lick Me, Lick Me

I recently went on a trip to Vegas. Our plans, of course, included dancing and liquor and staying out all night long.

We somehow ended up at a club at MGM we had visited the year before. It was a rip roarin outing and in fact, was the first time I had ever been drunk before.

(side note: That means I was 30 years old before I lost my drunk-ginity Please keep this in mind because any subsequent stories where I act foolish were most likely done stone cold sober.)

So after waiting in a ridiculously long line and dealing with the most hated form of doucebag, the BOUNCER DB, we were finally in.

I immediately saddled up to the bar and ordered my $13 Alabama Slammer. I have a fascination with people watching, so I spent the first hour sipping my drink, ordering another and checking out the natives.

The next half an hour was occupied by smoking cigarettes and sitting on a couch near the restrooms. I took a perverse thrill in watching every guy there walk in the ladies bathroom by accident. I never pointed out their mistakes when they walked in, but I did recruit a few women to sit with me and watch all the stumbling, drunk fools run out highly embarrassed a minute later. I am easily entertained.

The alcohol was finally kicking in and I actually felt like joining my roommates on the dance floor. Tabbie was highly engrossed in an English dude we'll call Curly. The Spaz was shaking her thing with one boy, while trying to inch closer to a brawny personal trainer she was intent on going home with that night.

I was dancing near the Spaz, actually starting to enjoy the bad music, when I felt an erection lovingly press itself against my ass. Hands grabbed either side of my waist and said erection was now grinding into me so hard I felt like I was going to have an interesting bruise to explain the next day.

I was then spun around and before I could even get a look at the guy attached to the offending penis, I froze in horror. All I could see was a GIANT TONGUE coming straight for me. I turned my head, more shocked than anything, and the tongue (thankfully!) landed not on my mouth, but on the side of my face. It slipped along my cheek and left a grotesque path of thick saliva all the way to my nose.

And here is where it got really bad.

The guy had obviously been drinking plenty that night. He also must have thrown up a time or two because this trail across my face was tainted with the stink of vomit. I immediately shoved him away and started heaving. I made a break for the bathroom before I left my own puddle of vomit on the dance floor. I was desperately trying to run and dig in my purse for perfume at the same time - I needed to smell anything besides the horrible stench that was clinging to my face and billowing up from under my nose.

Tabbie saw me in a panic and tried to grab my arm as I flew by. But there was no time to explain and I shook her off.

I managed to blindly arrive at the restroom just in time. I spent a good 15 minutes washing my face and recovering before I felt settled enough to brave the club again.

As soon as I rejoined my friends, Vomit Guy was back. I sat on a nearby couch and pretended to be engrossed in my phone. Unfortunately, he was not deterred. He continued to try and talk to me and pull me up to dance with him. I could not even turn my head in his direction because I knew I would be overcome by the waves of his pukey breath. I resorted to shaking my head and holding a "stand back" hand out to prevent him from coming any closer.

I was finally rescued by a lovely gentleman who sensed my distress and planted himself firmly between me and VG. Thank goodness for heroes.

Creepy Guy Strikes Again Pt. 3

So I've decided to mix things up a bit and ask people to suggest story lines they might like to incorporate into my steamy IM sessions with Cupid is Stupid. Anything goes, anything at all.