Thursday, February 21, 2008

Best Boob Compliment Ever

For some reason, I seemed to attract churchy boys when I was in college and high school. Freshman year of college, I ended up dating two guys who would attend weekly Campus Crusade for Christ meetings.

The first, Seth, had long hair. I knew everytime he was going to try and make a move on me because he would grab a rubberband and tie his hair back in a ponytail. Mighty generous of him.

The second, Mr. Texas, was darling. He had a syrupy accent and came off kind of shy. We would spend hours in our dorm rooms watching movies and making out. Mr. Texas was enamored with my breasts and would often sit there with a shocked look on his face while he fondled them.

And one day, this lovely gem came out of his mouth:
I love your breasts. They feel like warm jello in a silk stocking.

I thought it was cute, so I let him taste them. Just as a test, really, to see if they actually did taste like geletin.

But even the man who gave me my most favorite breast compliment ever had to be put out to pasture. As the year progressed, he became more and more torn between pleasing the church and being a regular old college student with a *GASP* sexual appetite. He began going to his weekly meetings and coming to my room energized by the Lord.

And then he would beg for a blowjob.

And then he would get mad when I turned him down.

And then he would tell me I was the devil for tempting him.

Yeah, for some reason this just wasn't working for me. I can be devilish, sure, but THE DEVIL! That's a bit harsh.


Jay said...

Hi, I don't remember where I came here from. Maybe Poker Girl in Vegas? This is a nice place. I think I like it here.

Anyway, Mr. Texas isn't a republican congressman who trolls public men's rooms for blowjobs now is he?

The Guv'ner said...

It never ceases to amaze me how easily hypnotized men types are when you dangle some fleshy mammorage in front of them. It's like a great secret power. I'm going to name my boobage "Voldemort" and "Darth Vader" and they are going to be like human stun guns.

Didn't I see lately that Dolly Parton named HERS "Shock" and "Awe". On with your bad self, Dolly.

Oh, hello!

doorknob_dan said...

I'm not a boob man myself, I prefer the derriere to be the most attractive part of the female anatomy.

However, I've always found it advantageous in complimenting a nice girl's mammaries when they're foisted in my face.

"MMRfffmnnnnnffffppppt mmmmft mmmnnnfrf fmmmrf" is one of my best lines! Gets me laid every time! (Mind you, the fact that they're foisted in my face already probably has some sort of impact in the success equation somewhere.)

I have to admit though, the title image in your blog here kinda fucks me up, even though. If they're YOUR boobs, well, I'd like to buy shares in this blog if that's possible? Hella good marketing scheme there!

The Ambiguous Blob said...

My former boss and travel companion kept telling lies about me while we were in Costa Rica. He would introduce himself and then he'd point my direction and say "ella es la diabla". Bastard.
Also, I don't like jello. Not at all. But I do like your boobs.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Jay: Glad to meet you! And nope, not currently a congressman...I just double checked his myspace page.

Guv'ner: Wow, I have never named mine before, but it looks like I'll have to add it to my to-do list. I think I might need some suggestions to come up with something as stellar as yours.

DD: I love your slick use of language when wooing a lady. MMRfff makes me weak in the knees.

And I do admit that they are my boobs. Tabbie hated my last header and forced me to change it.

TAB: Your former boss is funny. My friend from back home and I were often referred to as The Devil and The Devil's Helper. We were never sure who was who.

Oh, and I like your boobs too! They are the best boobs I've ever seen.

Grant Miller said...

God bless!

Infamous JP said...

I know plenty of girls that use their boobage as a way to get drinks, weed, sex, and pretty much anything. They were the devil. You are not the devil. I do hope to see how close you can come to being the devil sometime soon.

Ginormous Boobs said...

GM: Welcome to my blog. I've been a reader of yours for a long while now, way back when I was an anonymous poster on Tabbie's.

JP: I got free tires once because of my boobs. I also used them to win the 9th grade student council rep position against the most popular boy in school. I didn't wear a bra that day...

But I don't try and do evil with them.

And JP, I have a feeling you just might get to see that version of me mighty soon.

Here's a poem for you:
Me horny. Him too. Comfy couch. Big penis. Wet vagina. Hell Yeah.

Now give me sex (and drugs).

CarmenSinCity said...

ha ha - I've never dated a church guy. Most of the guys I go out with have spent time in prison. ha ha good times!

I love the banner at the top of your blog- are those really yours?

Ginormous Boobs said...

Carmen: Church guys are a riot. They will forever resent you afterwards, but they usually have hidden passion just waiting to be released.

Yes, they are mine (see my new blog post).

carymc said...

If blowjobs are from the devil, then send me to Hell immediately.

I'm surprised Church Boy didn't ask you for a little TF action. Or maybe he did.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Cary: I'll meet you at the hottest fire.

And no, he didn't ask...his loss

carymc said...

What a dummy. That would have been my follow-up request to the BJ denial.

Ambamthankyouma'am said...

is that photo of Seth? Does his last name start with a C and rhyme with shamble? Or appear on a soup label? What are the odds, but I had to ask.

Just stumbled upon your bloggy blog through some random skulkabout through a friends blog, to cathrinette to ? to you, I think. Anyway, totally love it. And your breasts are amazing, you are a peach for sharing them with us, the masses.

God bless indeed.