The Big Cheese

UPDATED:
Ok guys, here's the recipe:

Rustic herb bread
Herb and garlic cheese spread
Extra sharp cheddar
Mozzarella
Grilled up in garlic infused canola oil


(the award winning sammich)

(Tabbie and I being interviewed for a documentary while cooking up the goods)

For those of you who don't know, Tabbie and I (along with Bob Dobalina as one of our runners)competed in the 1st 6th Annual National Grilled Cheese Invitational a couple weeks ago. There were over 100 competitors in 4 categories and we placed 3rd in our division. There were 50+ professional chefs (from restaurants like The Foundry, Clementine, etc.) competing with us, so we're pretty proud of ourselves .

It was a seriously awesome event and we had a ball grilling up sammiches. AND we now have a rockin trophy gracing our kitchen counter.

Can't wait for next year!!

Martinis and Grilled Cheese, Oh My

I have been a total blogging slacker this week. I've been kind of preoccupied**, so I do apologize for not having had the chance to read a lot of your blogs, add you to my roll, etc.

Tabbie and I are hosting a Grilled Cheese and Martini shingdig this evening at the beach house. Partly because we want to try out recipes for the Grilled Cheese Invitational we are competing in next week and partly because, hey, who doesn't love a martini.

We will have about 6 bloggers here as part of the festivities. If any more of you are local folks, feel free to drop me a line and I'll send you an invite.

I am gathering up cell numbers as well and will be adding them to the drunk dial list. Don't be left out! Send yours too!

ALSO - I do believe I will be setting up a webcam in one of the rooms. If you have one as well, I'd love to see your smiling face. But please, not until I've had a few drinks...come on...I want to remember you fondly.

This is all probably a very very bad idea.

**Buying and selling your friends as pets on Facebook has eaten up nearly 18 hours of each day

Probably Not in Her Job Description

Years ago when I was working at a lame talent agency, the owner decided to rent out some extra office space to a production company for a month. This gave us a new group of people to socialize with at work, one of which was a boy my age.

***Now I don't make it a point to date people I work with. The only exception I have is if the person is on their way out the door. If I know they won't be around in 30 days, I'm all for it.

So this boy was very cute and I found him to be quite entertaining as well. He talked in this pimp voice and I thought it was a riot. We enjoyed slipping away for a few minutes in the afternoons to make out in the stairs or do a little groping in the elevator.

He invited me over to his place one night and insisted on showing me his favorite movie, Jackie Brown. I don't really remember much of it because he spent the entire time quoting lines from the film.

After the movie, we started a hot and heavy get down session. We were both nekkid in his bed when it slowly dawned on me that this pimp act he had going on wasn't really an act...his mac daddy talk was actually him trying to be all hardcore sexy.

I should have stopped right there. But I did not.

It was time for the condom and he put it on and went to go do the deed. I felt a little poke down below, but not much else. I told him it wasn't in yet.

But it was in!

In order to quell the embarrassment his ultra small peen had just caused, I wiggled underneath him a bit and proclaimed that it hadn't been ALL the way in before. He bought it and continued his playa playa routine.

Not two minutes later he made a sound like a strangled rooster and hopped off me. Before I could utter a word, he ripped the condom off and proceeded to ejaculate on the clothes in his open closet.

Like a fireman with a (very teeny) hose, he shot his wad all over everything. He made sure to aim up and down and side to side in order to coat all of his shirts, pants and ties.

Now, I've seen some weird stuff in my day, but this was the weirdest. After the shock wore off, I asked him why in the hell he wanted to jizz all over the clean clothes in his closet. And he answered...

...because the maid was coming the next day.

I don't know about you all, but I try not to leave unnecessary cum covered items for the maid to deal with. And just because she is coming over to clean doesn't mean one needs to purposely make extra work for her, right?

I hightailed it out of his house and was able to avoid him for the remaining four days he was part of our office. I accidentally left my jacket at his place, but after the horrors I witnessed there, there was no way I was asking for that thing back.

GB Gets a Little Serious

No sexy time posts . No weird dating stories. No boob shots. The GB side of me is kind of on the back burner for today (though I guess I did manage to post a shot of 3 ladies in bed).

Out here in California, there are 4 of us girlfriends who are tighter than tight. This group includes me and my dear roommates, The Spaz and Tabbie. The fourth member is our wonderful friend, Leslie.

Today, Leslie is having an alien (aka tumor) removed from her abdomen (we've named it Gwyneth). And you thought my boobs were ginormous? Well, Gwyneth is the size of a CANTELOPE!!!

We found out a few weeks ago about the cancer and have been on pins and needles ever since. We are trying to stay positive, but today is very very scary.

The doctors aren't really sure what they are going to find when they go in there.

So please send some positive thoughts out to Leslie. And if you feel like leaving a drunk dial for me or sending a wacky email or picture, today would be the day to do it. Mama needs distractions and some big hearty laughs.

Boots and Boobs

Tabbie and I ended up doing touristy stuff on Hollywood Blvd. this weekend. A few blocks past Mann's Chinese Theatre and all the street performers, a glorious thing happens...

The souvenir shops filled with star maps and t-shirts are replaced with stripper stores full of sexy little outfits and ridiculously awesome shoes.

Tabbie and I saw these beauties on sale (2 pair for $45) and knew we needed them. I got red and she got gold. It didn't matter that we had no place to wear these beauties; we were excited just to put them on and parade around the beach house in them.

So if you visit our place, make sure you request a show. Who knows...maybe we'll throw a little dance in there as well.

***********
On another note, I wanted to thank everyone who voted in the Boobie Wars. I know a lot of you had comments that didn't show up (or other issues with the contest) and I apologize for any problems that arose. Your support was overwhelming and the majority of the traffic to the site came from my blog and Tabbie's.

Boobies rule!

Meet the Parents - My Mom the Unwitting Perv

I'm a little sassy if you haven't noticed.

So it surprises people out here in Cali when they meet my parents, Mary Lou and Joe. They've been married for over 35 years and are the most upstanding people you'd ever meet. They've never done drugs, pay all their bills on time and a wild night out consists of a wine cooler with dinner.

My father, a retired Fire Chief, works a couple of part time jobs just to keep busy. My mother, voted most organized of her senior class, still makes his lunch sandwiches the night before.

This works well, but only if my sister and I aren't visiting. We've ransacked the fridge a time or two after a late night out. My parents would wake up to smears of ketchup on the shelf and little else.

My sister would always claim we didn't know it was Dad's WORK sandwich, so my mother got a little crafty. She started labeling Dad's food with post-it notes so we couldn't feign ignorance. This seemed to do the trick for a while.

So one day, Mom was grocery shopping and had just gotten her hair cut. She noticed people checking her out and smiling and thought they were appreciating her new hairdo. She was practically dancing a jig behind the cart and feeling on top of the world.

Until a man stopped her. He wasn't just smiling, he was laughing at her. In fact he couldn't even speak he was laughing so hard.

Instead he just pointed.

To her left boob.

And there, upon Mom's breast, was one of the sticky notes from the fridge. And it read:

Don't touch - Joe's lunch!!!

My New Ink

Finished product

Doctor Feel Good Chronicles - Pt 1

I was shopping around for a new general practitioner and flipping through the phone book. I settled on a female doc with a generic sounding name and went in for my appointment.

As soon as I opened the door, I started getting flustered. Not because the doctor's office freaked me out...no, no, no.

There was the most hunky Cuban boy behind the counter. I stammered out my name and he winked at me and told me it was a pleasure to meet me.

His name was Marco and he RADIATED sexual energy. It was just pouring off him in waves and waves. He worked for the lady doctor as her physician assistant and also did EMT work.

After a short wait, Marco led me back to the exam room. I told him he could just skip the whole getting my weight part because, really, what girl wants to hop on a scale in front of some dreamy guy?

We flirted the entire time he took my history and somehow got on the topic of smoking marijuana. We then decided it would be a totally great idea if I went over to his house some time to sample his bud.

Uh, huh.

We exchanged numbers and didn't Marco call me the very next day. I had no desire to actually date this boy; he was going to be a strict booty call. The invite was for 11pm and he told me he was going to show me a good time.

I walked in and he whipped out a bong he kept in the fridge that was filled with ice. I smoked a teeny bit and was feeling pretty relaxed. He then asked if I wanted to watch a movie.

And wouldn't you know it, the VCR in the living room was broken, so we had to watch it in the bedroom.

Bom-chick-a-bom-bom...and you know the rest.

Marco was 6'4 and built like The Rock. Time with him was hot and sweaty and I loved the way he threw me around the room. Our booty calls were frequent and amazing.

And we couldn't get enough of it, so we took it to the next level.

I had been having some irregular heartbeats, so it was suggested I go get some EKG's done. This turned out to be great, because it gave me an excuse to visit Marco at work every week. And since Marco was the one who did the EKG's in the office, it gave us an excuse to close the door. It also provided a good reason for my shirt to be off.

But no matter how we racked our brains, there really was no good excuse for his pants to be down around his ankles.

He'd hook the electrodes up to my bare chest, we would be very, very dirty, and lo and behold, my heart would be pounding and the test results would look EXTREMELY abnormal. The doctor would insist on follow ups to recheck the results and for 6 weeks we kept this up.

Yeah, it was fun. And my insurance covered every dime.

I sent my sister to this same doctor because it was close to her work. She was blown away by Marci's sexiness, but said she could never go back. The entire time she was there, she kept wondering if she was sitting in the exact spot where her big sister had just gotten her lovin on.

After a few months, I met a boy I actually wanted to have sex with AND date, so my time with Marco ended.

And so it goes.

***I should mention that the last time I saw Marco, he was very excited about some dental work he had done. For some reason, he thought it was a good idea to have a diamond chip put on to front tooth as a decoration.

This made not seeing him anymore much less painful. A diamond in your tooth, seriously, wtf?

Drunk Dials and Prank Calls

I was inspired by Doorknob Dan to add a CALL ME feature to my blog.



This lets you call Ginormous Boobs for free! Pretty cool, right?

I truly love drunk dials and saucy messages. I encourage everyone to pick up their phone and give me a ring a ding ding (you can do so and still keep your number private). And I promise to call anyone back who leaves a number.

Maybe I'll make it a point to return calls from the bathtub after a fabulous Tabbie martini.

Self Love On a Plane - Masturbation Chronicles Pt 1

I adore meeting people from all over the world and there's really no better place than at an airport or while sitting on a plane. Everyone has a story and I'm just the gal to listen to it.

In January of 2001, I was traveling back on a redeye to Los Angeles after spending my Christmas and New Year in the Midwest. The flight was full and I was seated with a business man on my left and a man named Chuck on my right.

Now Chuck was an interesting fellow. He immediately introduced himself to me and told me he was flying to Oxnard to attend a Christian acting camp. I found that mildly entertaining so I continued to chat him up for a few minutes. He seemed nice enough at first, but shortly after take off, he took out his bible and began to question my relationship with Jesus. I tired of the preaching after about five minutes, feigned sleep and eventually ended up nodding off.

But my slumber was short lived.

I was awoken by something rhythmically hitting my right arm. I opened my eyes and turned toward Chuck.

And lo and behold, my proselytizing Christian buddy was masturbating right there in the seat for the whole world to see. No jacket on his lap, no discreet blanket covering him up. He had his dick out blowing in the breeze and his left arm was getting quite the workout (and invading my space - it was this arm bumping into mine that woke me up).

Chuck caught me glaring at him, but made no effort to stop. I finally had to say something.

"Chuck, can you please put that thing away?"

It must have been the nice way I asked, because Chuck finally become a little embarrassed and apologetic.

Now, most people probably would have called the stewardess over at this point and demanded a seat change. I did not. We had a row of little girls in front of us and the flight was full. There was no way I wanted to subject Chuck to anyone else. I figured I could deal with his behavior better than most and one day I'd turn his little pleasure session into a scene in one of my films.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. I exited and called my mom to tell her about my lovely seatmate. She was horrified and demanded I go to the Continental counter and tell them what happened. I finally relented and recounted my story.

Each person thought the tale was hilarious and would grab me to bring me to a co-worker and have me repeat it. This went on until I had told the story to four different people.

And here's why I heart Continental.

The last person I spoke to was a supervisor. And that supervisor felt so bad for me that she gave me a free roundtrip ticket and a $500 travel voucher. SWEET!
Ahhhh...if only someone would jack off next to me on every flight. Have you seen the price of tickets these days?