Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Most Favorite Celebrity Valentine

I worked as an assistant at a talent agency a few years back. This particular place seemed to cater to out of work television stars from the 70's and 80's and we never knew who was going to grace us with their presence.

I was sitting at the front desk one day and heard the door open. At first I thought it was a ghost because no one appeared. And then I heard a voice.


I peered over the edge of the counter and there stood Gary Coleman, that's right, Gary Friggin Coleman. He came around the desk to say hello to me and extended his hand in what I thought was going to be a handshake.

But I was wrong.

He went right for em. Took his teeny little hand and grabbed my left tit. And not only did he grab it, he squeezed it and actually said, "Honk! Honk!"

I was dumbfounded.

He then told me how stunning I was with my long hair and sexy boots and sauntered away.

I was still dumdfounded.

Valentine's Day was the following week. I had given up hope of receiving any kind of gift that year when lo and behold, a box of chocolates appeared on my desk. Attached was not a card, but a post it note. It was decorated with a mishapen heart, a phone number and the following sentiment:

You are very pretty. Will you go out with me sometime? Love, Gary

Though I knew what a GREAT story my date with Gary Coleman would have been, I declined. I was dreadfully afraid a sneaky paparazzi would be lurking nearby, snapping away. And the last thing I needed, was to be pegged as What Willis Was Talkin About.


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Gary Coleman..? And you didn't bag that one? Child, that was foolish, foo. Missed the boat on that VD date. Great story though!

Anonymous said...

What did you do when he grabbed your titty?

Ginormous Boobs said...

Anonymous (aka VC Boutique Mourner):

While this here hussy loves a good tittie grab, this particular molestation made me a little queasy. I did enjoy the sound effects, though.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

he just got married too.
I met Gary Coleman at a Sharper Image in Century City. He was trying to help me talk the salesman into giving me a killer deal on a massage chair.
Another friend of mine (from BC) was working at a Cell phone store and Gary came in.
The phones were too expensive for Gary, so the guys at the store had him go hold one of those signs on at the nearest intersection advertising the store. He got a phone for his hard work.

pistols at dawn said...

Wow. I can only imagine the early bird special at Denny's that would have been your first date.

Ginormous Boobs said...

AB: I thing everyone in Cali must have a jacked up Gary story.

POD: You have to tip at Dennys, so I'm guessing we would have been cozying up to the drive thru window at Burger King.

kittenpower said...

he honked you and asked you out via post it note? I bet it was a canary yellow one too...
wow. classy.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Kitten: Of course it was yellow! And come on, Gary Coleman is synonymous wih classy.