Sunday, February 24, 2008

Self Love On a Plane - Masturbation Chronicles Pt 1



I adore meeting people from all over the world and there's really no better place than at an airport or while sitting on a plane. Everyone has a story and I'm just the gal to listen to it.

In January of 2001, I was traveling back on a redeye to Los Angeles after spending my Christmas and New Year in the Midwest. The flight was full and I was seated with a business man on my left and a man named Chuck on my right.

Now Chuck was an interesting fellow. He immediately introduced himself to me and told me he was flying to Oxnard to attend a Christian acting camp. I found that mildly entertaining so I continued to chat him up for a few minutes. He seemed nice enough at first, but shortly after take off, he took out his bible and began to question my relationship with Jesus. I tired of the preaching after about five minutes, feigned sleep and eventually ended up nodding off.

But my slumber was short lived.

I was awoken by something rhythmically hitting my right arm. I opened my eyes and turned toward Chuck.

And lo and behold, my proselytizing Christian buddy was masturbating right there in the seat for the whole world to see. No jacket on his lap, no discreet blanket covering him up. He had his dick out blowing in the breeze and his left arm was getting quite the workout (and invading my space - it was this arm bumping into mine that woke me up).

Chuck caught me glaring at him, but made no effort to stop. I finally had to say something.

"Chuck, can you please put that thing away?"

It must have been the nice way I asked, because Chuck finally become a little embarrassed and apologetic.

Now, most people probably would have called the stewardess over at this point and demanded a seat change. I did not. We had a row of little girls in front of us and the flight was full. There was no way I wanted to subject Chuck to anyone else. I figured I could deal with his behavior better than most and one day I'd turn his little pleasure session into a scene in one of my films.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. I exited and called my mom to tell her about my lovely seatmate. She was horrified and demanded I go to the Continental counter and tell them what happened. I finally relented and recounted my story.

Each person thought the tale was hilarious and would grab me to bring me to a co-worker and have me repeat it. This went on until I had told the story to four different people.

And here's why I heart Continental.

The last person I spoke to was a supervisor. And that supervisor felt so bad for me that she gave me a free roundtrip ticket and a $500 travel voucher. SWEET!
Ahhhh...if only someone would jack off next to me on every flight. Have you seen the price of tickets these days?

35 comments:

doorknob_dan said...

So that was YOU huh?

I've been trying to find you ever since that trip! What's your #?

Ginormous Boobs said...

DD: It was me. Here's my number...call me sometime, Sexy...(310) 217-7638.

doorknob_dan said...

I called the # and said "Can I speak to Ginormous Boobs, please?"

They didn't respond too well, but I think I almost sold the person on Christ. Time to Murder Mr. Jesus again!!

jo said...

i can't believe he didn't even try and hide it! the tale is hilarious. well i suppose a $500 travel voucher is well worth it haha! hmm i wonder if i can just pretend to have had an encounter like that haha!

Jay said...

You should have video taped him jackin' it. Then you could have blackmailed him or something fun.

I'm sure you could find somebody to pay to wank off next to you on each flight. Guys are into that kind of thing. ;-)

Ginormous Boobs said...

DD: Oops, sorry, must have given you the wrong number.

I do love drunk dials, so if you promised to add me to your 3am call list, I'd give you my real digits.

JO: It was totally worth it!

JAY: This is the first of many such masturbation tales...guys really do love to show off their junk.

The Guv'ner said...

OMG too funny. And quite horrifying. What gets into some people? Is it the love of Jesus making him feel funky? I must remember this for the future as I nearly always fly Continental. Masturbation = free trip! :):)

doorknob_dan said...

3am call list? Drunk?

Screw that. If I'm ever drunk, I'm passed out by a respectable hour, like 2PM.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

you know... I can't imagine this ever happening to me. You are a creep magnet.
Also, I would have shanked the fool and then raise the alarm. Bitches can't be fucking gross around me without serious consequences.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

Damn.... I'd let someone whack the whang next to me if I got THAT kind of deal on airfare! ;)

Hmmm... I wonder if it counts if I'm the one stroking their pole? Never mind that I don't know them!! That's not the point? Hey.. he's asleep isn't he? And his ding-dong stood at attention when I started stroking it through his pants. so obviously it was lonesome.

What do you MEAN I can't get free airfare out of that experience?? Damn... the world is so unfair these days....

...sigh... I should have at least charged him for it.. ha..ha.ha..

Ginormous Boobs said...

Guv: The really weird part is that this happens to me more than it should.

DD: Even better than the drunk dial is the drunk dial with the passout. It always cracks me up...then I start getting worried that the person choked on their own vomit or something

AB: It's that MASTURBATE sign I have stamped across my forehead I guess.

Pink: If you're going for free airfare, try strokin the pilot

Matt-Man said...

Wow...Not only did Chuck have a dick, he had some balls. Praise Jeebus. Cheers!!

Mathdude said...

Did they ask you when you bought your ticket if you wanted to be in the whacking or non-whacking section?

Ginormous Boobs said...

Matt: He was ballsy for sure...luckily I didn't have to go blind by looking at those darlings

Math: I thought the wackers were all in first class

Chris said...

That's funny! At least he didn't look over and say, "Little help, please..."

SkylersDad said...

Great story! I flew next to couple who hadn't seen each other for 3 months, and they got it on next to me!

But I didn't get a free ticket, no money, and they covered up, so bummer for me.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Chris: Welcome! While I do like to offer a helping hand, Chuck would have most likely received a helping kick to the balls.

SD: Your story is way hotter than mine. And I feel for the people next to you...there's nothing like reconnecting after a long absence. Me, I probably would have been trying to get it on right there in the airport.

pistols at dawn said...

People who love the Jesus have to get very used to masturbating. I love his unapologetic stance, however. "If you're not going to help, leave me alone, lady."

NWO said...

Maybe was preparing for the second coming.

Ginormous Boobs said...

PAD: They either have to get used to masturbating or very used to anal. I love the girls that won't give up their virginity, but are locked and loaded when it comes to parting with their butt-ginity.

NWO: Haha...you said coming.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

wow, gross. back in the day when i used to fly back n forth, i fell asleep and woke up to a guy smelling my shoes that i had kicked off. i was sufficiently tweaked out to move seats.

WendyB said...

"Jerk-Offs for Jesus"

Ginormous Boobs said...

TM: Welcome! Um, your story is way nasty. Who are these guys that are into feet? And how can I sell them my cheap-ass Payless pumps that give off that great foot funk smell only plastic shoes can?

WendyB: Welcome as well! He's totally on a Choking the Chicken Crusade.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

Woman... I LIVE in a city FULL of Delta pilots.. do you think I haven't been doing my damndest, already, to get some free airfare out of those cheap bastards?

But noooo... all I have to show for my hard work is an aching jaw and some spooge on my dress.. Damn!!!

externalappearance said...

Oh my god, that's hilarious! Although I would have probably asked to be upgraded for that...

Pink: change airlines?

Ginormous Boobs said...

Pink: I've been there with the mens before -(but never with a pilot) rug burns and scratch marks and all

catherinette said...

Oh how I wish I had been there with you. We totally could have mocked Chuck and his "little friend." He would have cried AND we would have gotten a voucher from the airline.

Amadeo said...

You should have said Jesus is watching him.

Ginormous Boobs said...

CS: I'm taking a plane trip tomorrow. I am praying I get some kind of pervert in the seat next to me, instead of the crusty lady with the cough I normally am seated next to. I will make it my goal to make him weep and I'll take photos to post up here. You'll def be there in spirit.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Amadeo: If I hadn't been woken from a sound sleep, I hope I would have had a much better response to it than "put that thing away".

Jay said...

I think the fact that he was trying to 'save your soul' with a Bible on hand before doing such a lewd act in such a public place makes it 10x crazier.

And I'm wondering... would ever there be a circumstance where you wouldn't stop someone jerking it next to you on the plane?

TheBirdman33 said...

Being as well endowed as you are, you may have been Chuck's inspiration.

I think you should've looked him dead in the eye and said, "What would Jesus do?" Cause I think in that wacky bible, that's a sin.

Ginormous Boobs said...

Birdman: I will remember to ask a little WWJD next time I'm next to a masturbating Christian - and for some reason, I think it will happen fairly soon.

The Lone Beader said...

Hahahaha!

Ginormous Boobs said...

The Lone Beader: Welcome to the blog!